TMNT 4: Twin Tower Turtles!
by CooperInThePooper
Summary: In this long forgotten treatment for a fourth live-action Turtles flick, our beloved amphibians (or whatever the fuck they're considered now) go on an epic adventure to hunt down a mysterious group plotting against the people of New York. These turtles are from an alien race, and they're going to be tough, edgy, funny, and completely lovable. And love pizza!


_note: underlined words are supposed to be crossed out, but for some reason fanfiction doesn't allow strike-through letters (or whatever the hell they're called). leave it to fanfiction to somehow make this story even worse than it originally was._

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The following story is based on the plot outlined for a fourth live-action Teenage Mutant Ninja _Hero _Turtles film, first penned by Hollywood newcomer Benjamin S. Dover. The film was planned for a 1995 release, before producers came to the realization that nobody gave a fuck about ninja hero turtles anymore since they were too busy trying to not get AIDS.

Raphael approached the manhole under the cover of darkness. His long Trenchcoat and fedora disguised him from the onlookers, obscuring the fact that he was a giant green turtle. Grabbing the manhole, he used his superturtle strength to lift it up and crawl inside, dragging it back over once he was far enough down. A hot dog vendor had seen this entire ordeal, but was not clued into the fact he was a turtle. He just assumed Raphael must be an atheist (given his choice of attire) and was probably looking for his ancestors down in the sewer. The man chuckled at the thought of evolution, before squirting an entire bottle of ketchup down his throat.

Raphael reached the bottom of the sewer, which was noticeably more stinky than it had been when he went out. After a bit of a stroll in the direction of his home, he saw the culprit: the corpse of a homeless man whom had been living in the sewers for about a month. It seemed his heroin addiction had finally gotten the best of him, as he lay there with a gunshot directly through his forehead. Raphael blew it off (metaphorically) and continued his trek.

Arriving at the turtles' home, Raphael was immediately hit with the smell of a fresh pizza pie. Going toward the kitchen, he was met with the image of Michelangelo shoving his erect green dick into a burning hot pizza. He was grunting ferociously, as his fingers dug down into the doughy crust while his cock continued to repeatedly fuck the pizza.

"Mikey! Going for a swim, are ya?" joked Raphael.

"RGHRGHRGHFUCK! _FUCK_!" replied Michelangelo, as green goop emerged through the bubbling layers of cheese, likely originating from Michelangelo's urethra.

Michelangelo closed the lid and began to clean himself off, before finally greeting Raphael. Leonardo and Donatello soon came by as well. Leonardo began to inquire about where Raphael had gone, whereas Donatello didn't hesitate to grab a nice hot slice of New York pie.

"It's none of your business" was Raphael's answer to Leonardo's questions, only frustrating the self-righteous bastard.

"Hey, this pizza's a little more salty than usual!" exclaimed Donatello, following his first huge bite.

"It sure is Donny," said Michelangelo, "bet it tastes a little like turtle semen don't it?"

"No, not especially - because I've _tasted _turtle semen on multiple occasions and-"

"Wait, what?" Leonardo interrupted, quite rudely I may add. Fucking asshole.

"...I-I said _tested. _I _tested _turtle semen. In my lab. Where I test things," said Donatello.

The other turtles just stared blankly at their brother, before Leonardo did what Leonardo does best and started bitching about something again.

"Raphael, you shouldn't be going out in public without letting one of us know. What if Shredder had attacked you?"

"I'd a' kicked the crap outta him!" replied Raphael in anger.

As the turtles continued to argue, the turtle-phone (as opposed to a human-phone) began to ring. Leonardo went over and checked the turtle-caller-ID to make sure it wasn't a Russian sex trafficking network seeking out new recruits.

"It's April!" he exclaimed, causing Michelangelo's enormous turtle cock to spring up (not because of Leonardo, because of April. We wouldn't want you thinking Michelangelo was a _gay _or something...)

"What's April want at this hour?" inquired Donatello, before slurping down yet another slice of sweaty green pizza.

"I don't know... what should I do?" asked Leonardo.

"Well answer it!" replied Donatello.

Leonardo, unsure of how to approach answering a phone, picked it up and shoved it in his mouth, before attempting to say "Hello?" April could be heard saying... something, but nobody could understand her since the dumb fuck put it in his mouth.

"Jeez! Don't you know _anything _about how phones work?" said Michelangelo, approaching Leonardo and pulling the phone out of his mouth.

"How about be a little more _normal _next time, Leo?" said Michelangelo, before forcefully shoving the phone multiple inches into his asshole, screaming at the top of his lungs as he did so. As he opened his mouth, April could finally be heard clearly.

"April! What's up?" asked Leonardo.

"Hey guys!" began April, "I know I should have told you guys about this, but I figured I'd let you know sooner rather than later!"

"Let us know _what_? asked Donatello.

"Well, Channel 6 is moving to a new building!" she said.

"A new building? Why? What was wrong with the old one?" asked Leonardo.

"Well, our ratings have been going down lately since people are too busy trying to not get AIDS to watch the news. So they decided to sell the building and move to a nice office right in the heart of the city!"

"Wow, what building?" asked Donatello.

"On the 50th floor of the second World Trade Center building. From what I hear, it's a nice place!"

"Man, I'll bet! The World Trade Center buildings are some of the finest in New York!" said an excited Donatello.

"Yeah, not to mention you'll be safe from Shredder and Krang! Those buildings are invincible!" said Leonardo.

"Yeah, you guys should come help us move in tomorrow!" April requested.

"Sure thing, April! Anything for you!" said a horny Donatello.

The three said their goodbyes as April ended the phone call, allowing Michelangelo to finally close his mouth.

"Man, what a relief! I'll never get why people use phones! You think you could just hold it up to your ear or something but NO, you have to shove it all the way up your asshole! What a rip!" bitched Michelangelo.

The three turtles looked over at Raphael, who this whole time had just been staring up at the ceiling motionless with a huge smile on his face.

"You get all that, Raph?" asked Donatello.

Raph had in fact _not _gotten all that, for he remained totally limp and showed little sign of consciousness.

THE NEXT DAY

It was a beautiful September morning. The turtles and the crew of Channel 6 were in the process of moving everything they had packed up from the old building to the new office within the World Trade Center. Leonardo was riding up front with April in the driver's seat, which he found a little odd since women are physically incapable of driving. The thought entered his head that April could be transgender, which would explain both her ability to drive and th-

Anyway, they were now entering the heart of the city, with the Trade Center complex in full view. They admired it as they approached, even though April should have been keeping her dumb ass focused on the road.

"Woah, what a view!" declared Leonardo.

"You can say _that _again!" replied April.

"Woah, what a view!" repeated Leonardo, being the submissive little bitch he is.

"I'll say!" said Michelangelo, popping out from the back, "Those towers are so tall, I bet birds accidentally fly into them all the time!"

"Yeah, probably. Hey, wouldn't it be funny if one of the birds hit the building and caused it to collapse?" joked Leonardo.

The three laughed at such a ridiculous notion, and before long they had arrived at the place itself.

As the turtles and Channel 6 were moving in the last of the boxes, Raphael decided to look out one of the massive windows, to see how high they were. The view was amazing, he could see the tops of all other buildings in the city. That being said, one of the building tops looked a little weird. Looking closer, Raphael noticed a group of people in all black, seemingly playing with walkie talkies.

"Emos, gross" thought Raphael, "Hey guys! Check this out, there's some emos on this rooftop!"

The other turtles came to see what the hell he was talking about. They looked upon the group and began to giggle, all except Donatello.

"Guys... I don't think those are emos..." he said ominously.

"Well then what are they?" asked Michelangelo, before hitting a huge blunt.

"Well, wearing all black means they would be goth, not emo," Donatello replied.

That seemed to make sense to the other turtles, who continued to giggle at them. The giggling suddenly stopped when the group were approached by another dark figure, who the turtles recognized as a foot soldier.

"Oh no! The goths are in league with the foot now?" cried Leonardo.

"What's going on?" asked April, who had come over to see what all the commotion was about.

"The goths are in league with the foot! Look!" said Michelangelo, allowing April to look.

"Hey... those aren't goths!" said April, "Those are emos!"

"That's what I tried to tell these wart-brains!" said Raphael, assuming that the opinion of a woman had value.

"Well regardless, we have to go after them!" commanded Donatello.

"Uh, actually, I make the decisions around here," said a smug Leonardo, though the others just started to laugh to him. Either way, the four of them smashed through the windows and began to scale down the building.

"Oh, I hate those turtles!" yelled Bern, the head of Channel 6, before accidentally pooping his diaper.

The turtles pursued the group across the many rooftops, though the group soon noticed them and attempted to flee. As the turtles came ever closer, they were suddenly ambushed by a horde of foot soldier robots. The turtles donned their weapons, and prepared for battle.

The battle was long, and not very interesting, so let's just skip to the end when they defeat all the robots. The turtles pursued the nearly escaped group, who attempted to hide in the dense crowds within the streets. The turtles continued to tail them, without a single person in the crowd questioning why there were four gigantic walking turtles with ninja hero weapons. Raphael managed to grab one of them, holding him by the collar in preparation for interrogation.

"WHERE IS SHE?" demanded Raphael.

"أوه ، أنت قادم إلي؟ أنت تدرك أنني تبخر ، أليس كذلك؟!" replied the man, before dying. Raphael threw him down in frustration, realizing he didn't speak camel sex. Looking around, he realized they had lost the others. He began to punch the man's dead body in frustration, before the others turtles had to pull him away kicking and screaming.

"He's dead! Now we're never gonna get to the bottom of this!" cried Raphael.

"Not so fast, Raph," said Donatello, who was now inspecting the body, "If we can get him back to the lab, we may be able to shock him back to life!"

Donatello continued to look over the body, specifically the area around his penis, before grabbing him and racing to find a manhole. As they ran, a police officer saw the dead body and immediately pulled his gun, though his partner grabbed his hands pushed it back down.

"Not so fast Johnson - they're green, not black."

Johnson was relieved, for otherwise he would've killed an innocent person!

As they continued their search, the corpse suddenly started to cough viciously. They brought him to the ground, realizing he was choking on something. Donatello picked him up and began to give him CPR, eventually forcing out one of his lungs. Donatello continued to thrust into him, now with a huge turtle erection, before the other turtles got him to stop. Bringing him down, he began to come to, although was beginning to die again after losing a fucking lung.

"Who sent you?" demanded Leonardo, still thinking he was in charge.

"Y... y-you..."

"Wait, YOU sent him Leo?" said Donatello, ready to turn on his brother and viciously kill him.

"You... IDIOT!" screamed the man, "Do you know what you've done?"

"Uh... other than get the urge to have sex with another pizza?" inquired Michelangelo, horny for some more pizza on his dick.

"Why were you working with the foot? Were you planning some kind of attack?" Leonardo DiCaprio asked.

"No, you idiot! We were trying to _stop _the attack!" said the man.

"Wait, what?" asked Michelangelo.

At that exact moment, the turtles looked toward the World Trade Center and saw a plane fly right into the building and blow up, beginning its destruction. Screams began to emerge among the crowds, as the turtles just stared at the building in horror.

"Oh God, wasn't April in that building?" asked Donatello.

"No, thankfully she was in the other building..." replied Raphael.

Right as he said that, another plane flew into the other building and created a similar explosion that was soon to kill everyone inside. The turtles just stared, speechless. It was of course Leonardo who broke the silence after a minute.

"God, look at those flaming people throwing themselves out the windows!" he said, horrified.

"Yeah," replied Michelangelo, "If that were me, I'd be yelling "COWABUNGA!"

The turtles all began to laugh at Michelangelo's humorous joke, just as the first tower toppled to the ground with hundreds of bodies crushed within.

To be continued in TMNT 5: The Secret of the Jizz


End file.
